I won’t dare to name my one-year-period of work and holiday in Australia as a gap year. To me, a gap year should relate to “in between” period. Some time in your life between two chapter. Let say, between graduating school or uni to employee’s life. Or between one episode of a career, to another career. Something will be awaiting when it’s finished. Something planned. Something predictable.
That’s not happening in my case.
To say that I’m at lost probably too exaggerating? Yet, that IS exactly what I feel now. LOST. It’s not that I don’t know what I want to do, or at least, what I WANT. It’s that, I cannot do what I want to. Not now. Do I know what I really really want? Um…sort of. I know that I WANT to travel. NEED. I need to travel. But somehow, I have no imagination how to make it a way of life. I know lots of people dreaming the same thing with me. To travel constantly, make it for living and all.
Now that my-kind-of-honey-year-with-myself has finished, it’s time to back to, ugh, reality. Jobless and almost broke. Shits happened and to mentioned it one by one will disgrace my life changing experience an will be too disrespectful to the life itself. I’m alive and not regretting any choice I have made. That year has gone by too fast and I wasn’t prepared enough for upcoming years. Ha ha, nobody prepared enough I guess. Because life is a funny guy.
So, I’m now gladly say that I’m starting over. Starting over my life. Back to Jakarta, trying to support myself as quick and as much as I can. Facing the truth that I, now, too old to compete with fresh grad, yet too young to be considered a senior. Actually, I’m not that fuss, I’m trying my best to keep calm and steady for any opportunity. But I can’t help to become…restless and overwhelmed. I guess those are part of my qualities. I have so many agendas, plans, to-dos, and a bank account that runs fast :D
Anyhow, I promise myself that after any hard times, there will be fun times. And I will heartily wait for those time coming. Just be steady as I can be.